My third year: multiple contradictions

and so it begins and i'm sweating like a pig. i'm on the 5th floor of the sfu library building, I've decided in part what i'm taking for the first year, exploring mass communications, introductory spanish, intro to sociology. i'm following in some guy on youtubes crusade against the capital letter, it's so elitist. one thing that i've realized is that the women at this university are much more beautiful than at ucfv. like i've say many times today, i'm finally at a real university. i really wish i had more time even thought i live in the present. i wish i could do so many more things than peterly possible. i'm high, decided to bring a cookie it's making the day go by faster, to be honest there is surprisingly not a hell of a lot to to do here, especailly when there are no classes for me to go to. it is summer, hence the sweating like a pig. i realize that i really suck at writing interesting stuff. i've been out of prectice for a long time now. google really needs to buy facebook, and i wish google wasn't publicly traded, and that pot was legal. what i meant with the time thing earlyer is that prioritys change because they have to, and that i will always have contradicting goals and ambitions, i'm at war with myself. so far three of my family members have watched one of my youtube videos, i don;t know what to feel about this. like i want to go to the gym so i can have lots of sex with beautiful women, i want my family to be materially rich even though i have everything i need, i want to be married one day but don't believe in monogamy, i love kids but am conflicted over having biological children, sometimes i have discipline, patience, and sometime not, i am a loner who needs others, i am haunted and equally fascinated by religion, content and discontent within a matter of seconds, see what i mean. i can't spent the rest of my life deciding on things witch can't be decided in my life time, life is short, i have to make choices about my priorities.

Our next family trip

I am in a very precarious position. I have to choose between financial injustice and my family. I know, choose your family, right, but let me make it more complicated than it actually is. I love my family every single one, even though that love is often not reciprocated. Last year I spent little time with my family because I was on a cultural exchange. I had nervous anticipation for this years trip because they usually end up turning in cliques, formed between the two males and the six females(then the two old ladies talk relationships all, two just hang, and two have a secret society). Our last trip all together this changed because we brought alcohol and we all paid for ourselves. As our family matured into a family of young adults we started to take on a greater responsibility for our own financial resources. All six of the adult grandchildren have jobs and most of us pay for our own schooling (with some help from the government of course). The cost of our trip this year is over $1000 which is is not a lot if it is shared around by the people who can afford it. but no!!! We are two different families. In one family everyone who has a job will contribute equally and in another the mother will subsidise everyone in the family from her own income. This is where the injustice comes form (yeah, the injustice of a middle class white boy, "so tragic"). First ground for justification, that in the past my aunt's children lived in poverty and this intervention is away of correcting the crimes of the past. This argument is very disingenuous because the past year and a half that same aunt has been paying out of her pocket for her children and her to travel all around the world, spending thousands of dollars. This same family has a maid come every week to clean their house and each resident pays $100 less then my house in rent and get $200 more spent on them at x-mas. But who's counting (sounds like a capitalist)? These are my financial qualms, which are completely unjustified for a socialist. But am I offended on socialist grounds or are the capitalist? Everyone should be treated equally regardless of economic status, gender and family. This subsidy favours one family over another. This is coming at a time when my mother is on disability because of an serious illness and has no choice but to ask her children to pay she would love to pay for her children. If tables were reversed, where she could pay for her whole family and the other family could not, she would in a point of solidarity get her family to pay as individuals even though it was not financially necessary or convenient. Here are the my financial responsibilities: $3000 in debt, $5000 in tuition for next year, $1200 in rent, Car $250 per month, a new computer for school. I really can't afford to go on this trip but I am making this sacrifice because it is really important to me. I also feel personally wounded, not only am I giving my financial resource's but my time as well, I'll taking 3 days off work (and miss spending time with other people i love to spend time with besides my loving family). It is my cousins 18 birthday today and i made a scene; I got into a heated argument with my aunt who really means well. she is always wanting to make sure her children are fiscally taken care of. I'm surprisingly not so offended by her, but the birthday child. He is someone who is referred to as underemployed. And yet he has money to buy his turntables, smoke his pot, drink his beer, have a monthly gym pass and save money to move to Montreal but he can't afford the $75 for this three day family trip. He is at the stage in his life where he does not want to be apart of this family, because he is so important. I was there once, maybe even when I was his age. He has hurt me the most, if he really doesn't want to go, then don't go.

Peter

My first vlog

I put my first video on youtube today? First I'll talk about the video itself, than I'll talk about the effect of Youtube as a vessel for change around the world. (The video which I will link to this blog to actually get people to read it). If you do start tuning in please tell me if I have spelled anything wrong and my grammar.

Coincidentally the video I posted is entitled "IS JANEY A GRAMMAR NAZI?" The 30sec. movie was nothing special but my first try which should be documented and studied in the future so that those mistakes are not repeated. I mainly fucked around with the tittling effects on Adobe Elements 3. Not the best place to edit but its where I'm at. Much of the subtext style was inspired by Heroes the TV show.

Firstly, I love their text graphic, it's very "comic book" and very easy to read, almost like children's letter books. (I just discovered the End key (love it)) Secondly, I love the way the text is not confined to the lower bottom part of the screen, never moving or dual. Instead the text follows where the speakers speaks. This keeps the viewer in the story because what they are reading is what they are looking at.

The content of the video is a family dinner party, where I grill my 20 year old cousin about being a Grammar Nazi (which she is(I wonder if she is watching it right now) (I love calling her that) ). I think the video will be funny for the people in the video but it's really just a home movie, I still haven't figured the lighting for the film.

Earlier I said I would talk about the effect of Youtube on change but I just realized that it will have to be in several parts, on different things such as: Sharing of ideas and perspective, the threat of government and elite censorship of the internet starting with Youtube, and even evolution of humankind.

Adios
Peter

A rant with a little Peter out of the way

I think an important way to deal with problems in the future is to deal with the small problems before they become large ones. Another important lesson I have learned tonight is to no sweet the small stuff. It is important to not get walked over but it is counterproductive to hold grudges. Disliking someone for what they have done in the past only reinforce your currently held beliefs about them. Hugs more hugs, it is really important to not be disconnected from others physically. It is important to just let go of you beliefs. Beliefs prevent you from having relationships with people who do not share your beliefs. Beliefs hurt because they are not true. No matter how hard you want and wish what you think to be real doesn’t actually make it so. What divides us from each other and the enlightenment of that intimate relationship is the belief that we are always right. Not so much in terms of winning an argument or scoring points in a cosmic battle of right and wrong but in the belief that our experiences and realities are more true and valid than others. I need to learn to not be so easily offended. Every word out of someone mouth is interpreted as a challenged against who I am. The idea of I is very flawed. Experiences when we are connected to another are the only meaningful experiences (keep in mind according to my experiences). Instead of jumping to conclusions and judgments based on preconceptions we need to listen. People are only anger when they feel like no one is listening to them, when the feel misunderstood, judged and alone. It is important for me to really listen with my heart and not be looking for the next smart thing to say. Try not to look at the world through my eyes. It provides meaningful freedom and happiness. I leave you feeling much happier and relived.

Peter

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

Mahatma Gandhi
Indian ascetic & nationalist leader (1869 - 1948)

What a wonderful quote, that has truly inspired me. Gandhi one of the great sages of political though. I respect and admire him and dedicate this blog to this great man.

First off I’m very new at this whole blog thing so please forgive. I am a 21 year old
wannabe political activist living in Canada. Often when people hear the word activist they conjure up horrible images from the chaos of the Battle in Seattle. This is one of the media's most common distortions; change always means disaster. Change does not mean chaos; it should in my view make the lives of all peoples of the world better. The conflict comes from disagreements about what makes life better. There is only disagreement because people benefit from the systematic inequalities. The people who should decide what make life better are the people themselves.

Now I don’t know if that is what a blog is supposed to look like but that was my first shot. As I said earlier in live in Canada. In one on the most right-wing parts of the country (I’m talking about the crazy socially conservative here, look up Randy White). I have studied politics, philosophy and history at the University College of the Fraser Valley and plan on attending Simon Fraser University in the fall. In the past year I travelled in South America on a cultural exchange. The point of this blog is to familiarise myself with blogging and all its useful aspects. I am not overly skilled in writing, my spelling and grammar need vast improvements. I look forward to improving my writing abilities and being able to express and network myself on the web.

Peter